Faux Stories From Real Pictures
Aisha was a modern day woman who had everything going for her. She had a wonderful life with her husband, Günter, who was the heir to the extremely successful whoopee cushion company that his great-grandfather started in Bavaria, back in the late 1920’s (rumour had it that his famous ancestor had to flee Germany after placing one of his prototype cushions on the seat of a rather short tempered military officer who was famous for having only one testicle).
Aisha and Günter met at Oxford University, fell in love and quickly got married. Aisha could have settled down, living the life of luxury, spending the endless stream of whoopee cushion cash that was at her disposal. But again, she was a modern woman, destined to chart her own path, putting her education to good use.
Armed with a prestigious Master’s Degree in Literature from Oxford, and a strong sense of wanting to be inclusive, she earned not only a massive fortune on her own, but the respect of an entire forgotten community when she created a series of best selling erotica books specifically designed for the blind, that was scratch-and-sniff and written entirely in Braille. She was hailed as “the woman who gave fingers a workout.”
As if that weren’t enough, in what already seemed like a perfect life, Aisha and Günter were blessed with their son Kassim, an off the charts intelligent boy who was toilet trained almost at the same time he could walk. In fact, Aisha and Günter realized their son was toilet trained and walking when, in bed one night, they heard the toilet flush.
But, as fate would have it, it seems that those who have everything in life, and most importantly, are appreciative and deserving of it, are the very ones who have it snatched away. And that is why, while alone on a walk with Kassim, in their posh but quaint British community, fate dealt a cruel blow to Aisha. That is when Death walked up behind her, snatching her away from the toddler who would have to grow up without his Mother’s love. But being a genius with HSAM, Highly Superior Autobiographical Memory, he could never forget. HSAM allows people to remember what they did, what day of the week it was – oftentimes what they wore or ate – on nearly every day of their lives, which is why Kassim always hates Tuesdays.
So on a sunny Tuesday afternoon, Kassim lost his Mother, Günter would soon lose the will to laugh at the sound of a whoopee cushion, the visually impaired reached a climax in their world heralded erotica, and Aisha learned a little too late that you can eat too many pork rinds. Because Death sneaks up on you – when you least expect it.
That’s the Stuph – the way I see it.
Welcome to the latest edition of the Stuph File Program.
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