Thursday, May 10, 2012

Photo Phollies #1 - Rugratus-Teenicus

Faux Stories From Real Pictures
Rugratus-Teenicus – Latin for modern adolescent. Here is an aerial picture of one of the species taken in their most common state in their natural habitat.

Photographed at high noon in broad daylight, this picture shows where the modern adolescent is often found, in a phase of unconsciousness, yet surrounded by the tools of their culture readily at hand. Missing from view in this picture, but currently under the slumbering carcass, is the Blackberry device, which continues to receive a torrid pace of text messages even while the creature appears to be in a state of suspended animation.

Their attraction to plush surroundings is a natural instinct as it supplies not only comfort, but can also withstand a high absorption quotient of drool.

Waking one of these creatures should only be attempted by professionals and never at close range. However, scientific experiments have shown that no amount of prodding, shouting, poking or hitting will awaken the creature. What works best is the distant, almost subtle sound of a refrigerator opening. Although the quiet click of a fridge is almost undetectable in most humans, the combination of the click and the soft distant glow of the fridge’s interior light will bring the Rugratus-Teenicus to an almost instantaneous stop within eight inches of the door in a motion most similar to that of the Roadrunner stopping at birdseed.

Caution: Do not open the fridge if it is not already well stocked. Not having the proper provisions at hand when the modern adolescent surfaces can only lead to a rampage of biblical proportions.

That's The Stuph - the way I see it


  1. It is interesting to note, how quickly the young male rugratus-teenicus learns to mimic the older male role model - the cantankerous-old-geezerus. These older males are also attracted to plush surroundings, but more often prefer a horizontally-inclined nest made of leather; commonly referred to as a Lazy-Boy. Much like the younger male, the cantankerous-old-geezerus is also known to drool during its resting period. In addition, the older males can often be heard producing harsh, snorting sounds. Scientists refer to these sounds as “snoring” and believe they are a warning call emitted by the male to keep invaders away from their food source, which is most often strewn around their nesting area. While the rugratus-teenicus is easily woken by the sound of a fridge door opening, the older males can be easily be woken by the soft “cshhh” sound of a beer bottle opening. The cantankerous-old-geezerus will happily leave its nest to replenish its beer supply; thereby allowing the female of the species to grab the remote control.

    1. VERY nicely done, Christine. A nice addition to the piece! :)

  2. I'm laughing out loud at both of these!!! Well done to both of you! Very funny and hits home...I have three teenage stepdaughters:) whew!

  3. Laugh out loud funny blog post with Rugratus -Teenicus.
    I can Relateus!

  4. I believe many of them to be at least partially nocturnal, which can explain the unconsciousness to some degree. Notice how zen the creature is, perfectly at ease in its environment, one with the couch and surroundings!

  5. Wonderful post! Nice dose of witty laughter on a lazy Sunday afternoon for me! Keep us updated :)

  6. You're a riot Peter!