Wednesday, July 4, 2007

“Hey, That’s Not The Topping I Ordered!!”

Winnipeg, Manitoba is known in Canada for one of the coldest and windiest intersections on the planet. Portage and Main can be bitterly cold when the winter winds strike.

But the city as a whole might be heating up considerably, thanks to a new pizza restaurant. The aptly named Porno Pizza actually delivers pornography with every pie and they have once again proven the adage: sex sells.

Porno Pizza has been doing brisk business since opening last week, titillating the hungry with racy pictures at the bottom of every pizza box. Think of it as a striptease, with each slice representing an article of clothing – revealing more and more of what lies beneath. I’d be willing to bet that some people have never eaten so fast in their lives.

According to pizzeria owner Corey Wildeman the pies range from the soft porn nudity we’re mostly accustomed to as in Playboy, to raunchy, hardcore photos that would have a sailor running for cover – or perhaps penicillin.

As you can pretty well guess, not everybody in Winnipeg is thrilled with the idea of porn with their pepperoni. According to Roz Prober of the child advocacy group Beyond Borders, "We live in a society that is so steeped in porn that people have it delivered to the dinner table." One can assume that Roz doesn’t have Porno Pizza on speed dial.

But where some see a road that leads to Sodom and Gomorrah, others see a road paved with riches. Indeed, Wildeman is already in talks with potential partners to open franchises across Canada after selling hundreds of pizzas in one week. Yes, hundreds! Wildeman summed it up best by saying, "You'll never go broke appealing to the lowest common denominator,” (isn’t that similar to what politicians say around election time?)

You’re probably wondering where such an idea came from and why you didn’t think of it first. Wildeman said he came up with the idea while talking with friends about classic porn flicks in which "pizza delivery guys meet lonely ladies and deliver more than just pizza" (really, somebody ought to copyright that plotline – they’d make a mint!)

Unexpectedly, more than 75% of Wildeman’s customers turned out to be women, which leads me to believe that the most vulnerable people in Winnipeg will be those pimple-faced, vocally cracking adolescents who are actually delivering the pizzas. I wonder what they’re getting for tips?

That’s the Stuph - the way I see it.

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